"Let's Play a Video Game!" : Metal Gear Solid

First Person Shooter (FPS for short) games like Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2 or Halo Reach. Have you played either of the mentioned or, well, any FPS games in general? How about Third Person Shooters? How about games like Splinter Cell? What about the 1987 Metal Gear? How about the Metal Gear Solid series?

If you have played FPS games or MGS's 2 thru 4, Portable Ops, PO+ and Peace Walker, I'm going to tell you that those sniping skills won't help you much here in Metal Gear Solid. If you have played Third Person Shooters, good for you, they'll help out somewhat. If you have played the original Metal Gear, man, you won't have much problem with this game. You're good to go if you've played it.

You play as Solid Snake and start off on the outskirts of an undisclosed terrorist base out on the archipelago of Alaska. Because that's where the game should start off. In the freezing arctic-y climate of some random island of Alaska. And guess what! No weapons, oh no. How do you kill? Well… I suppose you get behind a guy and choke him to death and do the same to whoever else is in the same room as you. I don't know. But the less people you kill, the more points you get. Something like that, I suppose.

Anyways, as the credits roll, Snake has to get past these nearsighted Genome Soldiers with supposed hearing and sight above average of normal humans and head for the elevator to the north that takes him outside to another Genome Soldier infested area where, this time, your goal is a vent that you can crawl into, giving you access to the enemy base without having to get yourself killed from running in with guns blazing. Yeah, the only thing they, the Genome Soldiers, would notice are footprints you leave behind and the sounds you make when you step in puddles. Useless soldiers. That or Snake's a ninja.

Into the vent Snake goes, crawling along, and-- OOH, eavesdropping on a conversation the enemy troops are having. Hm. So there's someone else out here besides Snake. Someone who's killed three people. That's not such a big number compared to the number of people Snake'll be killing in the next couple hours. And they mention the DARPA Chief who's apparently been taken to a cell in the basement in this base. Be grateful it's the basement of the building Snake is in and not some other building. Careless soldiers, making this goal more achievable.

So here Snake is, running around, chaffing cameras and not murdering people (because it attracts negative attention) and reaching the basement by elevator and the cell via vent. And now, the DARPA Chief rants about Metal Gear, codes, keys, etc. etc. and gets a heart attack. Makes no sense how a perfectly healthy looking guy who looks to be 30 gets a heart attack. Anyways, the woman in the cell next to the one Snake is currently in gets out of her cell thanks to a very unintelligent, newbie-ish soldier named Johnny. Anyways, Snake gets out thanks to this unknown character, sees the unconscious (and rather… um… humiliated) Johnny and has a gun, specifically a FA-MAS, pointed at him. Snake just criticizes the woman pointing the gun at him by stating she's a rookie and that the safety's on.

After killing about 10 soldiers, Snake and this character escape from the cells and Snake notices something strange. A floating stickman with a gas mask. Isn't that strange? And then it disappears and appears later on in the game. Anyways, Snake goes down into a different basement floor, blows up some walls and encounters… Revolver Ocelot. Personally, I liked the guy until he lost his right hand. Then all he did was torture. And then Snake, with the help of a psycho ninja robot, saves the head of ArmsTech who dies promptly after his rescue. Kinda pointless if you ask me.

Well, here we are again in somewhere in Alaska. Mission sorta failed. Snake then contacts Meryl, telling her to advance the plot by opening the huge, death-gas filled room of death that leads outside to a death-bomb filled environment of death that leads to the nuke building. Here's my advice for the room: use the cigarettes. I know the cool spies would be all cool and spray stuff to make the lasers visible, but since poor Snake here had to go through an inspection in which all weapons carried would be confiscated, let's just be grateful he had these with him. Who cares if he hid them in his STOMACH? They're still useable, right? Right? RIGHT? Anyways, get past the death room, crawl around for some claymores, advance and encounter a tank driven by a Inuit man who believes snakes don't belong in Alaska. Just throw grenades at the nice man's tank. He'll be kind and drop a man who has a card key to the nuke building.

Now Snake's in the nuke building, and, oh no, he can't use weapons on this floor. Because there's nuclear warheads in the room. Dangerous nuclear weapons. So he'll have to run around, avoiding the enemies' very short line of sight, and get to the elevator. Snake goes to a basement floor where he uses a remote controlled missile (a Nikita, to be specific) to disable the electrifying floor. Sure, the gas stays, but Snake's too awesome to be killed by it. So he just goes along to the Southeast corner of the floor, enters the hallway and… What the hell? Dead people. And blood everywhere. Sure, following the nice robot ninja who now has at least 15 kills sounds like a good idea.

And now at the lab where a Hal Emmerich is cornered by Mr. Obviously-not-nice-robot-ninja where he humiliates himself. A little more than how Johnny was. Considering both are full-grown adults. And then a battle sequence with Mr. Bad-ninja-person after Dr. Emmerich goes to hide in a locker. And then Mr. Gray Fox goes insane and runs off somewhere to kill more people. And then an introduction by Dr. Emmerich (who we'll call Otacon) and a depressing story about Metal Gear Rex that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Seriously, the whole explanation as to why he became a scientist makes more sense. Note: press start or X to skip cutscenes. It's good for your health. And you don't add onto your playtime.

And now, Snake has to go find Meryl again. How did I do this? Get caught, kill everyone on the floor. Horrible idea, yes, but it was worth it. Because Meryl's dressed up like one of those guys. So looking for her is made a lot easier when everyone's dead. Just don't shoot the last person on the floor. That's Meryl. When she spots Snake, she runs off into the ladies' restroom… which Snake enters. Then Meryl goes off talking about her story. Skip if you didn't pay to see this. … I'm sure you didn't pay to see this. I'm sure getting up to here has taken some time, so save. "How do I do that?" you ask. Contact Mei Ling at 140.96 . Most useful Codec number in the game. Seriously, Psycho Mantis will praise you on saving a lot by calling you prudent. Speaking of Psycho Mantis, he's the next boss. Hooray. Here's a tip: plug your controller into the 2nd controller port when fighting him. And use stun grenades to knock Meryl out rather than punching her. It gets the job done easily and it doesn't kill. Anyways, kill Mantis, go on to the communications tower, and then encounter…

… Who nearly kills Meryl by sniping at her from the second floor. Oh well. Sacrifices have to be made. Wait, she isn't dead yet. So save her. Blargh. So Snake backtracks and finds a sniper rifle… in the first building you ever enter. Snipe at the sniper up there and enter a very uncool fight that's sniper only. It's like Halo. Sniper rifles only. Anyways, once she's beat, Snake goes on and checks out the door with a level six security. Wait, level six? Can't open this, it's too strong. And then Snake gets knocked out by a couple soldiers.

Snake wakes up some time later in a cell. With the DARPA Chief in there with him, decomposing. Wait. Didn't the DAPRA Chief die a few hours earlier? If so, then what's up with the maggots on him? And I thought he died of a heart attack, not bludgeoning. This makes no sense. Unless the terrorists enjoy beating dead bodies and throwing maggots at him. Anyways, after several torture mini games of mashing circle (and Johnny acting all high and mighty by shutting Snake up), Otacon comes to Snake with rations and ketchup to fool Johnny into thinking that you somehow killed yourself using your fists which leads to Johnny being KO'd again. Poor guy. Anyways, Snake grabs his goods from the torture room and makes his escape from the cargo building and goes over to the communications tower, climbs the tower full of bad people up and encounters Liquid Snake.

About this minigame, your actions influence the outcome of the game. If you successfully overcome the torture, Meryl lives and, in the end, you receive the item "Bandana" which gives you infinite ammo for every weapon. If you don't and press Select (as it's painful to watch a good man get electrocuted), Meryl dies and you receive the item "Stealth Camouflage" in the end which is a camouflage fo' ninjas. In other words, you can be a cool kid and hide from everything. And if you die without giving up, there's no Continue.

Now as it turns out, Liquid Snake was waiting for you up at the top of the Communications Tower. On a chopper. A Hind D. Seriously, is that even fair? Well now, Snake just rappels down the tower as Liquid just destroys the roof using missiles. Snake then returns with STINGER missiles and blows the Hind to pieces. Impressive. Then again, it just uses machine guns. Missiles, rarely.

Now that the Hind is burning, Snake gets on the now operating elevator. The elevator to his supposed doom because, inside with him, are four others that are going to kill him. Or get killed. I don't know. Depends on whether Snake does or doesn't in your game. Because if he doesn't kill, don't read anywhere beyond this point. Because you failed. THE MISSION. Of stopping METAL GEAR REX.

And so, Snake is now on the first floor of the building where the sublimely magnificent exit is located. Hooray, outside.

Now, what's this? A cutscene?

… Crosshairs? Sniping? Snake, get out of the way!

… Ah, you're bad at dodging, Snake. Well, I think we know who's behind this. Yes. None other than Sniper Wolf!

And now for a conversation between the characters:

Snake: Sniper Wolf! Have you gone Maverick, too!?

Sniper Wolf: I won't deny that.

Snake: If that's the case, I have no choice but to destroy you… It's my duty as a Maverick Hunter!

Sniper Wolf: Then the least I can do is fight with all my strength. Let's go, Maverick Hunter Snake!

… And so, a grueling battle between snipers is held in the icy cold. It lasts three days and three nights. Just kidding, it lasts several minutes. After all, Sniper Wolf may be a pro at sniping, but Snake is god-tier at the same sport. After the fight, a very saddening cutscene ensues. With Otacon shouting "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOR!?".

After the cutscene, Snake enters a building. He then climbs down the stairs and…

Disc changing time. Please change to Disc 2.

Disc 2 starts off in a Blast Furnace. Which makes little sense to me. It's snowing and it's a blizzard out there. And there's a freaking furnace down here with fire and molten steel and it's a huge oven in here. I'm guessing all the snow melted in a few seconds. It could explain. That or some sort of super coolant is being used. Well, Snake does what he does best again. Sneaking. And then after sneaking past the very unfriendly people and hitching a ride on a cargo elevator down, three unfriendly people assault Snake with guns and kill him. Or get killed. Depends on what you did here. If they kill Snake, don't read anywhere beyond this point.

Now one floor down. Snake gets past the ebul cameras and then makes another trip down on another cargo elevator. Don't worry, there's no unfriendly people this time. Just very creepy crows. Depends on what you do here. If Snake gets killed at this point, which I'm not sure is even possible, don't read anywhere beyond this point.

Now another floor down. Snake enters a freezer located under the blast furnace which makes enough sense. A freezer. Underneath a blast furnace. At least it's not over it; that would make even less sense. But that's beside the point. Snake enters the room beyond this room with the cargo elevator and encounters… Vulcan Raven. Yes, this is the same Inuit man from before. He's a big boy. A little big for the M1 Tank. And he's carrying a Vulcan Cannon. He's like the Heavy from Team Fortress 2. Only he doesn't call Snake a baby. Anyways, Pacman-esque fight ensues, Snake the Soldier just throws rockets and explosives at Raven, Raven tries to kill with bullets that cannot be outsmarted. Depending on the actions the player takes here, the outcome will change. If the player lets Snake die here, the reader should not read anywhere beyond this point.

And now, after Raven dies and dies a suitable death, Snake goes on and enters Metal Gear REX's hangar. The design for such a weapon is obviously not the… Actually, it's awesome. It's original and (almost) realistic. Thank you, Otacon. Anyways, after climbing ladders, replenishing ammo, and picking up Rations, Snake eavesdrops on a conversation between Liquid Snake and Ocelot about the detonation codes and the PAL Keys. Snake obviously is not the brightest man in the world. Especially since he never questioned his objective. EVER. Or just didn't notice a surveillance camera right over him.

After a really annoying chore of collecting all three PAL Keys (as it turns out, the PAL Key's shape changes when in different temperatures), Snake ACTIVATES the detonation. You heard me right. ACTIVATES. Not DEACTIVATES. ACTIVATES. With a capital A. Now, as it turns out, the DARPA Chief did not die of a heart attack; he was accidentally (on the torturous torture table, apparently) killed by Ocelot. So they never got the detonation code from him. Who died from the heart attack earlier in the game was Decoy Octopus, and as it turns out, Snake has been carrying a virus simulating these heart attacks that spreads apparently through the air. FoxDie. That explains the deaths of Octopus and the President of ArmsTech. However, Snake, Liquid and Ocelot aren't affected by the virus. Why, no one knows at this point. It's just been introduced. Anyways, Snake is a moving bag of disease, infecting anyone around him. Also, Master McDonald Miller is dead and Liquid was impersonating him the entire time. Funny how no one guessed it was him until now. Even funnier since no one was suspicious of him until right before he revealed himself.

NOTE: His voice is a huge giveaway. Whoever isn't able to catch this must be herpin' derper and deserves 500 demerits.

And then another fight with Liquid ensues. This time, instead of a Hind, it's Metal Gear REX. Because the Hind is a ball of fire. This is even less fair. The main weapon in this fight? STINGER missiles. Yes, it's just like the first Liquid fight. Shoot missiles at the guy. Though, this time, there's more strategy. Metal Gear REX has a missile launcher, an electron laser and a machine guns. And extremely long range. Longer than that of Vulcan Raven's or any of the soldiers in the game. Throwing Chaff Grenades in the first fight and then STINGER missiles works in the first round. The second round? Shoot STINGER missiles at the mouth, I suppose. Only instead of using Chaff Grenades, use Stuns. Because the target this time is human, not mechanical. Depending on your actions, die or prevail, the outcome will change. If you die here, don't read anywhere beyond this point.

Now after Metal Gear REX is a burning heap of… biomechanical mechanical Evangelion stuff, it looks like the game is finally over. Does it? Sad ending, does it seem? Because Snake is going to die? Oh no, guess what, Liquid is still alive. And you're forced to fight him at the top of Metal Gear REX's remains. Which for some reason also has Meryl's body resting on top of it. These terrorists were nice enough to bandage her wounds. Maybe just so the battle's time limit isn't shortened. Anyways, you fight Liquid atop Metal Gear REX. Using your fists. Now, Liquid can be pushed off or killed atop REX. That or Snake can get pushed off or killed atop REX. Depending on what actions you take, to do or to die, the outcome of the game changes. If you die here, do not read anywhere beyond this point. By the way, there's a time limit of 3 minutes in this battle. If you don't finish Liquid within that limit, Game Over. Game Over, man.

Once Liquid has been defeated for the third time (all of them seemingly fatal), an escape sequence is triggered. It's just like Metroid. You destroy the giant brain and then you escape. Only Samus is Snake. The two characters, Snake and Meryl (depends on what you did at the torture sequence), hop onto a Jeep and make their successful escape… that was, until, Liquid pursues on a second Jeep. I'm not even sure how this makes sense anymore. Liquid should've died from the fall and the exit was shut off from the ceiling falling. Sure, we get miraculous pilots every now and then, but a fall from 10 meters isn't a very good fall. Anyways, Liquid gives chase and then escape successful… until Liquid drifts RIGHT INTO Snake's Jeep.

… The two Jeeps are totaled, Snake and Meryl (again, depends) are trapped under their Jeep and Liquid is still alive. Liquid appears to have the upper hand here and… Oh, what's this? FoxDie strikes Liquid dead. Somewhat-happy ending follows. Because it is implied that Snake is in the programming for FoxDie.

Well, I give this game a 5/5 for its original elements, story, and characters. Especially Solid Snake. Oh, and, by the way, toss the thing in your items when you get your things back. Yes, the timer. You don't want that. It's a timed explosive. Get rid of it. Like, right when you get your things back. That and when you enter REX's hangar and drop the PAL Key. You'll go looking around in something harmful to Snake's body. Perhaps it's a coolant for the machinery. Toxic coolant. Yeah, in there, you'll find all sorts of useful goods. You'll even find a bomb that'll go off in 15 seconds. Get rid of that. It'll kill you instantly.