Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - Part 1: Oh, you, Skull Kid.

I got bored one day and decided I would play Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. I'm going to log the game as I go on on my blog. It will contain spoilers, so watch out.

Yes. So…

WATCH OUT!

––Navi, on every enemy

Note: I named the player BEN. For lols.

So the game starts off in some very creepy forest with BEN and Epona just wandering along. In the creepy forest. Because it's perfectly safe. And then, all of a sudden, BEN falls off Epona because of some pesky fairies and becomes unconscious. At least he didn't drown. Anyways. Skull Kid comes along and loots BEN's body and finds a pretty Ocarina. Being the very musically talented Skull Kid he is, he decides to play single notes on the Ocarina. Apparently, the Skull Kid is easily impressed by simple things like this. Seriously. He's like an infant. Infants find amusement in things like reflections, "BAP", laughter and, other simple things. Yeah. That's what Skull Kid is. A baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhh.

Once the Skull Kid is done being impressed by BEN's Ocarina of Time, BEN wakes up to find that he's missing his Ocarina. At this, Skull Kid steals BEN's horse. Like the good Skull Kid he is. BEN latches onto what appears to Epona's leg with full power (obviously not the best idea to do so when this horse is running) but then is thrown aside and ditched by Epona and the Skull Kid. BEN wakes up and chases after the Skull Kid thinking "You shouldn't have done that…" into a cave. Where he falls. To his untimely death.

Just kidding, his fall is broken by a conveniently placed flower. Which poor BEN finds strange. Suddenly, lights. YES. LIGHTS. They shine down on the floating Skull Kid who insults Epona for being a disobedient horse. The Skull Kid then turns poor BEN into a Deku.

BEN's response to this: "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT…"

Skull Kid's response to this: "olol you look funnies you should stay like that"

BEN, feeling insulted, hops over to confront the evil monster that is the Skull Kid but is stopped by Tatl, Majora's Mask's Navi. Because of Tatl's dawdling, the two, Tatl and Deku-BEN, are ditched by the Skull Kid who is officially evil at this point and Tael who can't seem to live without his older sister Tatl. However, Tatl blames BEN for this. Which is almost as reasonable as making Troll Physics happen for real. For this, she wants BEN to open the door.

BEN's response to Tatl being ditched: "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"

Anyways, BEN opens the door and Tatl, being the bipolar fairy she is, decides to join BEN on his misadventure. Oh boy, this will not end well.

After a series of jumps and tutorial tips, and a twisted hallway later, BEN meets the Happy Mask Man.

You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

––The Happy Mask Man's first line

… This will end poorly. Tatl hides behind Deku-BEN. That's how poorly this will end. Well, the Happy Mask Man introduces himself to BEN and tells BEN that he's missing a valuable mask. The Happy Mask Man tells BEN that he knows the way to return to his normal form. I believe he's referring to a song. Anyways, the Happy Mask Man tells little BEN that in order to return to his normal form, BEN needs that one item that was stolen from him by the Skull Kid. However, in order for this to happen, the Happy Mask Man would like his special mask back. He says that this is like a chore. Just a chore. You know. Like taking the trash out level chore. Being the happy Happy Mask Man he is, he says this will end well. This will end poorly. Very poorly. The reason behind why the game will end in 3 days is explained here, by the way. It's not the moon nor the Majora's Mask. It's his schedule. That's the only reason. It's his schedule. He repeats that this Majora's Mask stealing is nothing but a taking out the trash level chore.

So BEN enters Clock Tower Town and a little clock appears on the bottom of the screen. Hi little clock. The first thing Link does is visits the ugly Great Fairy. Who isn't all that ugly since… it's in pieces. Ugly pieces. An hour later, the missing piece of the Great Fairy has been found and BEN unlocks his MP bar. The Great Fairy tells BEN to go visit the man at the Observatory outside town to talk about Skull Kid's location. Because the geezer apparently knows about him. And she tells little Deku-BEN to be careful and that she will give little BEN something of use to BEN when BEN returns to his normal human BEN form. This will not end well.

BEN exits the Great Fairy's spring and pops the Majora's Mask balloon using his new attack: Bubbles! It was Super Effective. Suddenly, a little kid comments on Deku-BEN's bubble attack and a game of hide and seek ensues. Lolwut. After the game of hide and seek, the kids give BEN the password to the secret hideout place of danger. The Observatory.

Along the way, BEN notices. The screen is shrinking. And shrinking. Until…

THE SECOND DAY - 48 HOURS LEFT

Well, BEN reaches the top of the Observatory and greets the old man living up there. He is then offered a chance to check out his telescope. Which BEN does. He sees the Skull Kid, then looks at the moon which cries a crystal tear. He exits and looks outside. BEN obtains… the Moon Tear. Boohissboo. BEN pays the businessman Deku near the clock tower a visit so he can give him the pathetic Moon Tear. BEN then visits a scarecrow so he can waste time.

THE THIRD DAY - 12 HOURS LEFT

BEN decides to stick around in front of the Clock Tower to waste time. Because there's obviously nothing better to do without an instrument or a sword and shield. As bored as I am at this point in time, BEN decides to just wait for the Clock Tower to TRANSFORM.

At the top of the tower is the Skull Kid. Well, he obviously has nothing to do. Tael, being the useful younger brother of Tatl he is, tells Tatl and BEN to bring the four living in the swamp, the mountain, the sea, and the valley here, to the Clock Tower Town. At this, the Skull Kid goes "imad" and backhand slaps Tael. Tatl responds to this with a friendship speech. Skull Kid responds:

"I will leave you with this warning: 'When the land overflows with a million apes, the moon shall become Hell's Messenger and completely destroy the world of the Spiral.'"

… Well, it was something along those lines. Anyways, BEN fires a bubble at the Skull Kid. It proves to be ineffective, but it does get him to drop the Ocarina of Time. Without shattering it. That's probably because it's made of TIME. Anyways, BEN obtains the Ocarina of Time and he flashbacks to a scene that never happened in Ocarina of Time where he, apparently, learned the Song of Time for the second time from Princess Zelda, who plays no actual role in this game. BEN plays the song and is sent back in time to the first day. From there, he visits the Happy Mask Man to tell him the happy news: he got his special item back. The Happy Mask Man, overfilling with a million units of happiness, becomes Happiness's Messenger and teaches BEN the Song of Healing, the very song that will completely destroy the world of evil transformations. And turn them into masks. I wonder what kind of evil Majora was now before it got made into a mask. So BEN gets reverted back into his happy human BEN form. Everyone is happy.

… Yes, the promise is fulfilled, Happy Mask Man. BEN will be on his way now-- Wait. What promised item? Uh. Oh yeah. That mask. About that…

And so this concludes the first spectacular part of Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. All is well. Well, not exactly. The Happy Mask Man isn't very happy. In fact, he's strangling poor BEN for not bringing back his mask.